she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
