isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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