I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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