Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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