You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
