This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
