You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize