Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
