Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
