just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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