PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize