this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's shark week go big or go home
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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