Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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