how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
