new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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