just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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