What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
