If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
