i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize