I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let the clothes fall where they may.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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