I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
