Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize