i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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