I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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