I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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