Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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