I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You are the jesus of drinking
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
