It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize