fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
