I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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