Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
