guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
