I want to have your abortion
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize