I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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