rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
