Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
