he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
