Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
