I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will pee on everything he values.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
