They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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