Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
