I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
