i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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