i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
