You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
