He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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