All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
