one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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