my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
