forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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