Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
