evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
