everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize