I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have feelings that need drinking.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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