I could make wine with my vomit
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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