I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
