is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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