Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
