yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
