god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
