my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
