He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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