I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
