i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
