I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
