dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
