jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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