The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
