im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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