I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
