Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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