I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
