Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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