overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
