She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You ruined the universe
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
