what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
