do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
