i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
