I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
