Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
