Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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