I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
