I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
