Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
