ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
