I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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