dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
