I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
