Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
