either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And then my night got REAL pukey
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
