you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His hands were made for my vagina.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
