Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We have started to decorate penises.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
