When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
