this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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