Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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