I need help removing her.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
