Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
