Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
