i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
