I CAN MOONWALK!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
