the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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