Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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