he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
