I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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