In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
