Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
