i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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