Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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