I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
